An Open Letter to Parents & Others Who Love College Students

by Rev. Kate Reuer Welton - Lutheran Campus Pastor, University of Minnesota-Twin Cities

Dear Parents,

What a beautiful and hard thing it is to parent a college student. I am so grateful for you, the ways you have loved your child over the years, and prepared them to be the person they are today. Here a few things I wish all parents knew about the curious, earnest, servant-hearted young people I am blessed to work with:

Your kids, the students I work with, have big and beautiful questions about God, their emerging adult spiritualities, and their identity. As a ministry, we rarely offer “answers,” but instead teach them to ask faithful questions. It is amazing to hear what comes out of their mouths – faithful, earnest expressions of who God is to them. When you talk with them, be curious about their emerging sense of who God is and how God is shaping their life.

Talk with your children about connecting with a church when they get to campus. Talk about the differences between the denominations on campus. Tell them why your faith is important to you, really. Has it sustained you in life’s challenges? Tell them that story. Have you had moments of doubt, or moments of experiencing God’s grace? Tell them that story. This conversation matters as they grow into adulthood.

Here are some ways to support your child when they are on campus:

• Students get busy and over commit, and sometimes something needs to give. You can help your student navigate a busy schedule by encouraging them to seek balance between school work, part time work, community engagement, social lives and faithful practices. There is likely no one but you encouraging them to participate in a faith community.
• While it is common for 'churched' young people to disengage from faith communities during college, know that at this particular time in life, perhaps more than any other, spiritual friendships, worship and participation in a faith community are important as they grow into a more mature faith.
• Keep talking to your kids. Many students I talk to are so worried about disappointing their parents, or bothering their parents, or seeming ungrateful for the support you’ve offered them, that they are scared to tell you what is going on – whether it’s a bad grade, or a hesitation about their major, or overwhelming anxiety. Don't fret (as much as it is possible), but do keep an open heart and mind, and keep the conversation open.
• Mental illness is a real thing. If your child struggles with mental health, there are resources on campus (link to UCS). If your child doesn’t have his/her own struggle, they are likely to encounter someone who does - be it a roommate, classmate, friend or neighbor. Talk openly with your student about mental illness and make sure they know where to find help. LCM-TC routinely hosts conversations and programming and understands that health and wellness involve community support and a connection with God as well.

You’ve got this! We’ve got this. Thanks be to God.